Movies in 2012: Parts 4 and 5

Movies I will see if I get the time.

It's pretty difficult to see all the movies I do want to, so these movies will be the ones that I hope to see, but if I don't end up having the time then I'll catch them on DVD, Netflix or a premium channel.

Cloud Atlas, The Wachowski Siblings & Tom Tykwer, October 2012.

2008 was the last time the Wachowski sibling's were behind the camera as director for Speed Racer. Back then they were the Wachowski brother's. Since then, Laurence Wachowski, has become Lana Wachowski, and they are no longer the brother's, but are referred to as just the Wachowski's. Finally, after years of not really doing anything but changing sexes and what not, they are back directing Cloud Atlas with other notable Tom Tykwer (Run Lola Run).

I'm not really sure what the movie is about other than it's an adaptation of a novel with the same name that follows several different story lines that span centuries of time from the past, present and future. It's been described as un-filmable, but the Wachowski's are no strangers to taking on a risk, or taking off a penis, so we'll see how it goes. I just hope the film doesn't prove to be a visual triumph and a waste of time otherwise. With Tom Hanks, Susan Surandon, Halle Barry, Hugh Grant, and other notables attached, it should be worth at least a watch. Apparently members of the cast will be switching sexes as well so we'll see how that goes. My anticipation for this may grow if the buzz around it is positive, but otherwise it just makes me feel like it's going to be another Watchmen.

A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III, Roman Coppola, TBD 2012.

Well Charlie Sheen is back acting again and this time, he's teamed up with Roman Coppola in the comedy A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III. Apparently, he still can't get away from playing characters that share his exact same name, and it sounds like he'll be playing someone who is out of control because the movie is about a graphic designer who's life unravels when his girlfriend breaks up with him. Even though it doesn't sound like he'll have to do a lot of acting, it is exciting to see him back working, and with Bill Murray in the 3rd Murray movie of the year. Mary Elizabeth Winstead also stars as what I'm guessing is Sheen's girlfriend. It sound pretty interesting, and Roman Coppola tends to be a little bit more like his sister Sofia, then his father, so it should be a pretty artistic and dark comedy.

Five Year Engagement, Nicholas Stoller, April 27th.

I've actually already seen this movie and if I hadn't seen it already it would be in a probably still see the opening weekend category because I'm such a huge Jason Segel fan. I saw a screening of this film last fall and it was very funny, but like every Apatow production, had a lot of improv in it. So a lot of the jokes will be cut and the movie will be a lot more seamless. I'm anxious to see the changes they made and see how the movie turned out but I highly recommend that you go see it when it comes out. The movie has a great cast with good supporting characters as well, so it's worth your time. Also if you're anything like me, then Emily Blunt's accent makes you melt.

Lockout, James Mather & Steven St. Ledger, April 13th.

I don't know how to feel about this movie. I love Guy Pierce, but hate Maggie Grace. At first it looked like The Fifth Element and now it looks like the new Total Recall. It will come down to the reviews as to whether or not I end up walking to the movie theater here in Burbank in a few weeks to see this one. Guy Pierce needs to be in more things, and he's always just right there, one step away from being that blockbuster star, but he never officially makes it there. Hopefully this movie is good and he takes a few steps forward instead of taking them back.

Gravity, Alfonzo Cuaron, November 21st.

I don't really know much about this movie other than the fact that Sandra Bullock is in space trying to make it back to earth to reach her daughter. I normally wouldn't give a shit about a Sandra Bullock movie but she's trying really hard to remain a serious actress and Cloon-Tang is also attached as the male lead so it could be alright. Cloon-tang usually makes good decisions.

The Silver Lining's Playbook, David O. Russell, November 21st.

Famed asshole director David O. Russell takes on another project with another monster cast that has the potential to get him an Oscar nomination. Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, Robert DeNiro, Julia Styles, and Chris Tucker form a very interesting cast that has the potential to be great. Problems with it are that Robert DeNiro's past few years have included lots of movies you don't want to talk about, Julia Styles entire career as included a lot of movies you don't want to talk about, it's Chris Tucker's first role since Rush Hour 3, and David O. Russell is a pompous asshole.

Sure lots of directors have been known to get frustrated on a set and take it out on their performers, but he went off the deep end when he freaked out at Lily Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabees breaking lamps, throwing papers and kicking things while calling Tomlin a “cunt” and a “child.” Nice guy George Clooney beat the shit out of him on the set of Three Kings after O. Russell grabbed him by the throat because Cloon-tang was standing up for the crew and extras. I talked to the guy on the phone during my internship and the guy was even smug when talking to me. "Hi, it's David, you know, David O. Russell." Fuck that guy, he's nothing special and if you ask me, the one problem that The Fighter had was that it was directed and edited terribly. Put Scorsese at the helm of that movie and you have a Best Picture of the year.

Still with the cast, and his track record, it may be worth watching. I'll still forever hate that douchebag, because my philosophy is if Cloon-tang doesn't get along with you, then I probably wont either.

Celeste and Jesse Forever, Lee Toland Krieger, TBD 2012.

A sundance comedy in which Celeste (Rashida Jones) gets divorced with Jesse (Andy Samberg) and they try to remain best friends in the process. Elijah Wood apparently plays their gay best friend so it has the potential to be a very comical indie comedy.

Hope Springs, David Frankel, August 10th.

This dramedy as a great cast and is about an old defunct couple played by Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones, and their trip to an intense counseling weekend, ran by Steve Carrell. I tend to not care about most Meryl Streep movies, they usually don't interest me much but I do love Steve Carrell so I may end up giving this one a shot depending on the reviews.
 
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, Lorene Scafaria, June 22nd.

Another Steve Carrell movie that also stars Keira Knightly, that's about them trying to spend their last few weeks on the world happy before the world ends. It's essentially a road trip movie as Knightly wants to get to her family, and Carrell wants to connect with his long lost love. At first I thought it looked kind of dumb and one of those family humor filled Carrell films but then I noticed that it was Rated R and now I have some hopes that it will surprise me.

Les Miserables, Tom Hooper, December 14th.

Another screen adaptation of the classic broadway musical but with a great director in Tom Hooper (The King's Speech) and a huge cast including Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Sacha Baron Cohen, and Amanda Seyfried. It has very high expectations and could be a contender during the Awards season. My personal hope is that it won't take the route of Sweeney Todd and focus more on the acting than the music, because the music in Les Mis is truly beautiful, and they completely ruined Sweeney Todd.

Rock Of Ages, Adam Shankman, June 15th.

A summertime musical with lots of stars and has a buzz as big as Hairspray and Mama Mia's. Apparently Kevin Nash is in it so that's pretty cool.

Magic Mike, Steven Soderbergh, June 29th.

Typically I wouldn't want to see a movie about male strippers. I guess you could call me straight... But this movie does actually interest me because it's loosely based on Channing Tatum's actual life for he was a male stripper before he was discovered and started acting. Over the past few months I have gained respect because of Haywire and 21 Jump Street so I know he can actually be funny. Soderbergh has become one of my favorite directors as well so it should be a very interesting movie that hopefully contains a bit of laughs.

Ted, Seth MacFarlane, July 13th.

I was originally very skeptical of this project and thought it was going to be very stupid considering I'm not a huge Seth MacFarlane fan and I hate the mixture of live action and animation. After seeing the red band trailer Wahlberg continued to prove he has great comedic timing and it may just actually work. Still, I have a feeling this movie will contain some big laughs, but overall be shitty. That's the way most summer comedies work out anyway. I'll look for the reviews when it gets close and make my decision on if I see it.

A Place Beyond the Pines, Derek Cianfrance, TBD 2012.

Gosling teams back up with the director of Blue Valentine in this film about a motor cycle stunt driver who decides to turn to crime in order to provide for his wife and child. This decision makes him but heads with a police officer turned politician. Other than the beautiful Gosling, the film also stars, Bradley Cooper, Ray Liotta, Rose Byrne, and Eva Mendes. Gosling never seems to disappoint these days with his decisions and always seems to be in the more interesting of films so look for this to be a smart and well acted thriller.

The Gangster Squad, Ruben Fleisher, October 12th.

Warner Brothers made the bold decision to have Zombieland and 30 Minute's or Less', Ruben Fleisher at the helm of this project considering this is a big time crime drama set in the 1940's and 50's. It follows the LAPD's attempt to stop east coast mafioso's from moving into Los Angeles. Another Gosling flick, that pairs him with Josh Brolin, Sean Penn, Emma Stone, Giovanni Ribisi, Nick Nolte and more. It has the potential to be something very sweet so lets hope it doesn't become The Black Dahlia, or Hollywoodland, two ginormic wastes of time, money, and talent.

Anna Karenina, Joe Wright, November 9th.

Keira Knightley is back to what she does best in this, which is star in period pieces. She teams back up with Joe Wright for the third time (Atonement, Pride and Prejudice) in this adaptation of Leo Tolstoy's classic novel. Also starring is Jude Law, Aaron Johnson and Kelly Macdonald it should be a good one considering Wright and Knightley's previous pairings were solid films.

Movie's that I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole.

I may be a little too hard on these movies, but it's mostly just for comedic purposes.


Mostly.


The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part Deux, Bill Condon, November 16th.

Well, finally that terrible franchise that get's girls all warm and wet in their cooch is coming to a close. I wouldn't and couldn't be caught dead seeing this movie or giving it money in any way. The only scenario I could see where I see this movie involves me sneaking in and periodically letting off a blow horn. Thank god this will be over finally when this movie leaves theaters, at least until some other franchise takes it's stupid place.

What to Expect When You're Expecting, Kirk Jones, May 18th.

Jesus Christ. Another one of those 10 intertwining love story movies with a billion well known actors and actresses, but this time with babies and Chris Rock. This movie looks fucking stupid.

Wrath of Titans, Jonathan Liebesman, in theaters currently.

As if the first one wasn't bad enough they brought most of the cast back to make a second... I enjoy bashing my head against the wall as much as the next guy, but if I'm gonna waste my 15 dollars on something, I would much rather buy a really expensive cocktail somewhere.

Mirror Mirror, Tarsem Singh, in theaters currently.

The first of two live action Snow White movies to come out this year just came out this year. This one is the more family friendly film with a quirky sense of humor as Julia Roberts talks about crinkles and wrinkles on her face. Unless she's describing the crinkles and wrinkles on my penis, I couldn't give a fuck.

Snow White and the Huntsman, Rupert Sanders, June 1st.

The second of the two live action Snow White films is meant to be a much darker portrayal somewhat along the lines of 2011's Red Riding Hood which I know fucking sucked, even though I didn't see it. Bella Swan stars as Snow White, and Thor makes an appearance for some reason while Charlize Theron drinks from a milk saucer like a cat. If this movie is good, well you can laugh in my face. Good luck getting me to see it

The Wedding, Justin Zackham, October 19th.

Katherine Heigl is in this movie. I don't need to say anything more than that.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Jon M. Chu, June 29th.

It would take the greatest reviews ever to get me to see this. They tease you with Bruce Willis at the end of the trailer but most of his recent movies have been garbage so it's kind of only to try and draw people like me (who love Bruce Willis) there.

Step Up 4, Not Worth Looking Up the Name of the Director or the Release date.

I'm not going to look up the trailer to this one either. There are very few things I care about less than the Step Up franchise. Then again I’m not a teenage girl who just kissed a boy for the first time.
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I'm sure there are plenty more in each category that will appear out of thin air later in the year because it is still early. I could probably write a lot more but I'm pretty fucking sick of looking up this stuff and writing about it. I think I provided you with plenty of knowledge though and have given you a good amount of things to look forward to, and avoid.

Movies in 2012 Part's 2 and 3 (of 5)

Movies I will still probably see the opening weekend.

First if you haven't read the first post if you haven't. It details the films I'm most excited about.
These are in no particular order, just wrote them as I got to them.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Timur Bekmambetov, June 22nd.

This is pretty close to a movie that I will see as soon as I possibly can. This is kind of hindering on the reviews. If it's getting rave reviews like Wanted was for it's slick action and fun script then I will most definitely see it at a midnight showing. Harboring a cast of mostly unknowns, it's still got an extremely visual director in Timur Bekmambetov, and a hilarious premise that pretty much anyone cool would enjoy. I mean who doesn't smile when they imagine Abraham Lincoln fighting vampires?

Brave, Mark Andrews and Brenda Chapman, June 22nd.

This newest Pixar flick centers around a Ginger Princess who's really good at archery. In her Kingdom, women aren't allowed to fight, but she fights back against that and from the trailers it looks like she'll have to kill a bear or some shit like that. Being a Pixar flick, I will definitely see it. Disney will be looking to make back a lot of money they lost on that travesty John Carter, that came out last month. Pixar will also be looking to bounce back after Cars 2 came out last summer. Sure that movie did fine at the box office, but to date it was the worst reviewed Pixar film to this date and Pixar has an outstanding reputation as the best animation company out there right now. It comes out at the same time as Abe Lincoln: Vamp Hunter, so I'll probably end up seeing both that weekend at one point or another.

The Great Gatsby, Baz Luhrmann, December 25th.

Another xmas present this year will be Baz Luhrmann's adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby. Leonardo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan, Joel Edgarton, Tobey Maguire and Isla Fisher are the notables in this monster cast. With an xmas day release date, and a cast as potent as that, it definitely will be competing in the awards season. The problem I have with it is that for whatever god damn reason it's going to be in 3D... The Great Gatsby.... in 3D.... This is the only thing that really leaves me scratching my head. With a budget rumored around 125 million, not including the ad campaign, it will need to be really good to compete with Peter Jackson, and Tarantino.

Men In Black 3, Barry Sonnenfeld, May 25th.

I wasn't too thrilled with MIB 2 and was kind of skeptical of them making a third film. I then saw that the release date was May 25th, when Will Smith used to be the king of July 4th weekend. After seeing the trailer and adding Josh Brolin to play young agent Kay, I am now very interested to see it and will most likely enjoy it. Josh Brolin is perfectly cast and it will be fun to see Will Smith in the 60's. The thing I don't like, are the ridiculous bike things that they ride in the trailer that look like they're from 50 years in the future from now. Those things are stupid.

Argo, Ben Affleck, September 14th.

Ben Affleck has had two at bats as a director. Both times he has hit the ball out of the park. Gone Baby Gone, and The Town received lots of critical acclaim and even revived his career which was on life support because of J-lo. In his third feature, Argo, he steps outside of Boston and turns his hand to an espionage-like thriller about a hostage crisis in Iran during 1979. Starring himself, Bryan Cranston, and John Goodman, the movie has a possibility to stick out in people's minds during awards season, and be one of the better movies of the year. Hopefully Ben can go 3-3 as a director before he goes on to hopefully direct the Whitey Bulger biopic.

Total Recall, Len Wiseman, August 3rd.

Before seeing the trailer I had a very open mind when addressing the topic about whether or not they were going to do a good job remaking this. The thing is, they have been very open about explaining that it's not really a remake of the Arnold classic, and follows the short "We Can Remember it for you Wholesale" by Philip K Dick more closely. If they are going with that route then why keep the name Total Recall? Well to attract all those fans who saw and loved that movie. The problem is that all those people are going to be in for utter disappointment.

When I first heard the casting I was actually really excited. I love Colin Farrell, and making Cranston, Vilos Cohaagen you're getting someone who is undoubtedly fantastic for the part. The problem isn't in the casting, it's in the fucking CGI porn romp they have on display. Sure the original Total Recall is a bit more campy, and at times doesn't take itself very seriously, but it works. This movie is trying to be darker, but comes across more ridiculous than anything. From the looks of it, it doesn't even seem like they will be going to Mars which means we'll miss out on Quatto, and three-titted biddies, which is just sad. I'll still probably see it opening weekend, but I will grit my teeth the entire way through because I will be afraid that they will ruin everything in life for me around every corner they turn.

God Bless America, Bobcat Goldthwait, May 11th.

I should probably move this up to movies that I will see the second I can because this move goes on demand on April 6th and I fully don't plan on waiting over a full month to see it because it looks that hilarious. Bobcat Goldthwait is probably the darkest comedy writer/director out there and if you've seen World's Greatest Dad then you know what I'm talking about. In this movie, the Joel Murray plays a middle aged man who comes down with brain cancer and is fed up with societies bullshit. After watching a bad reality television show with a prissy bitch he sets out on a mission to rid the world of all the most detestable people. Along the way he meets a 16 year old girl who becomes his sidekick. It's definitely going to be a sick movie not for all people, but if you hate reality television and all that pop culture bullshit that slowly cooks our brains, then you will enjoy this fantasy where you see it get wasted by a pissed of dude.

Safe, Boaz Yakin, April 27th.

Not to be confused with Safe House, this flick finds Jason Statham running around the streets of New York protecting a child who knows a secret code that the mob needs. The police are corrupt as well so it's Statham Vs. Everyone. Sure the quality of Statham movies have dropped a little bit recently, but I don't really attribute that to him, and more of the writers. I don't have any hopes for this to be anything special, but every Statham movie promises a few shirtless fighting scenes, and some cheesy one liners.

Lincoln, Steven Spielberg, December 2012.

*Not to be confused with the one that hunts vampires*

This movie has been in talks for years. Originally having Liam Neeson in the part of Lincoln, who looks exactly like him, they unfortunately lost him and had to cast some guy named Daniel Day Lewis... Shucks... Yeah... just kidding. It'd be difficult to find an actor in this world any better than Daniel Day Lewis and anyone who understands how amazing it is that he's teaming up with Spielberg is a good person. Not to mention the rest of the cast which isn't so bad either. Sally Field, JGL, Tommy Lee Jones, Jackie Earle Haley, John Hawkes, Walton Goggins, James Spader and Jared Harris are the other notables.

With a cast as rich as Lincoln's it's sure to be a big contender during next year's award season. Spielberg has said that the film details the last few months of his life rather than his entire stint as a President which is great because it has a distinct focus. Long drawn out biopics tend to be messy and aren't as effective as short ones. Hence why J. Edgar was panned, and My Week With Marilyn was praised (even though I hated it). It will probably be around 3 hours long, and isn't really the midnight screening type of flick, but it will be tough to keep me away from this one for too long.

Looper, Rian Johnson, September 28th.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a big time star on the rise. As you may have noticed, to this point I've referred to him as JGL because it's faster and he seems to be everywhere these days. In this Sci-Fi/Action he plays a bounty hunter who kills people sent back in time. Time travel films are tricky and often times don't work, but it's got great acclaim surrounding it. Basically in this movie which is set in the not so distant future time travel hasn't been invented, but a few decades ahead of that it has- so a crime syndicate sends the people they want killed back in time and they are killed and disposed of before they are even in the system because they aren't born. JGL's character stops one day as he finds one of the people he is meant to kill is his older self. His older self is played by Bruce Willis, so it has a lot of potential to be a great pop corn flick this upcoming fall.

To Rome With Love, Woody Allen, April 20th.

After the success of his film Midnight in Paris, my favorite film of last year, Woody Allen is back, and this time he's exploring a new city, Rome. Also starring in his first movie since 2006's Scoop, To Rome With Love follows several different storylines between American people there and Italian folks, and the relationships and romances they develop. Jesse Eisenberg, Ellen Paige, Alec Baldwin, Penelope Cruz, and Greta Gerwig are some of the other notable cast. While I'm sure it won't be as magical as Midnight in Paris, I hope he continues on pace making good films and doesn't fall back into his lull of "decent, but nothing special" movies that had been going on for over a decade.

The Master, Paul Thomas Anderson, October 12th.

The creepiest place in the world I've ever been was the Author Services Inc. building in Hollywood when I worked as a production assistant on the Hollywood Christmas parade. Every wall in the 5 stories was covered by enlarged framed book covers L. Ron Hubbard's books. His books on display in every corner and people in every room with wide smiles and lifeless eyes. Author Services Inc. is a company that represents writers and makes sure they receive the most money they possibly can out of everything they write. It was created by L. Ron Hubbard and everyone who worked there was a Scientologist.

It felt like walking in the Twilight Zone. Like I was being followed by eyes that couldn't be seen and everyone was communicating with each other telepathically, hiding secrets with their smiles. This basically describes the way I feel about Scientology, and that is why this film, The Master, looks very interesting to me.

Not that any film starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman (PSH) that's directed by Paul Thomas Anderson (PTA) wouldn't get my attention, but it's about a man who creates a faith based organization that makes him rich. I don't know if it's necessarily as concrete as that, but from everything I've heard, it sounds more like it exploits the bad side of Scientology although they have shied away from those rumors recently. Joaquin Phoenix makes his way back into the acting world, while Amy Adams, and Laura Dern lend supporting hands.

Hyde Park on Hudson, Roger Mitchell, December 7th.

In 2012 we're extremely lucky. We get, not one, not two, but three Bill Murray movies. This one is his only lead, in which he gets to strap on his serious boots and hopefully contend for an Oscar again. The coolest man in the world will be portraying Franklin Delano Roosevelt as the story centers around a love affair between him and his distant cousin, one weekend in 1939 when the King and Queen of the of the U. K. were visiting in upstate NY. While you may not think that the guy from What About Bob?, Stripes and Meatballs could portray a former world leader he looks exactly like him, and is a world class actor. He should've won for Lost in Translation back in 2003 but instead fucking Sean Penn won for Mystic River. First of all, fuck that guy, second of all fuck that movie. I hope Murray blows everyone away like I know he can and can hoist a Golden statue this upcoming February.

Seven Psychopaths, Martin McDonagh, TBD 2012.

Reuniting with Colin Farrell, Martin McDonagh's latest flick is about a screenwriter who accidentally gets tangled up in the criminal underworld of Los Angeles after his buddies kidnap a gangster's shih tzu. Martin McDonagh's zany sense of humor and Farrell's sharp tongue are what made In Bruges such a great film. Look for a lot more comic dialogue between a great cast including, Woody Harrelson, Christopher Walken, Sam Rockwell, Olga Kurylenko, Abbie Cornish and Tom Waits. I doubt this one will receive as much acclaim as In Bruges but I have a good feeling that it will be a really dark, funny, and fun movie. Unfortunately since it's set in Los Angeles it may not be as easy to fit "cunt" into as many lines.

The Wettest County, John Hillcoat, August 31st.

There are various things to worry about for this movie. One of those things is not the cast. Tom Hardy, Shia LeBeouf, Gary Oldman, Guy Pierce, Jessica Chastain, Mia Wasikowska, and Jason Clarke round out the principle cast. The movie centers around three brothers (Hardy, LeBeouf, and Clarke) who work as bootleggers in depression era Virginia. Gary Oldman plays their boss, and Guy Pierce plays the officer trying to take down the brothers.

With a cast as talented and a great premise why would I be worried? Well John Hillcoat's movies have never been received all that well by audiences, and The Road was a big time failure even when it was originally very highly anticipated. Another thing to ponder is the decision to move the movie back from April to the end of August, where movies go to die. It's rare that a good movie is released in late August, and it's never a good sign when a movie is pushed back. The production company has said that they moved the movie back to late summer so they can ride the post- Dark Knight Rises reputation that Tom Hardy will have. There's too much going for this movie to not at least intrigue me, so you'll find me at the theater checking that one out opening weekend.

Safety Not Guaranteed, Colin Trevorrow, June 8th.

This indie comedy centers around a team of magazine writers who go out to investigate a peculiar classified ad that reads "*Wanted* Someone to go back in time with me. This is not a joke, You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before." Aubrey Plaza is an intern on the team, who investigates and becomes intertwined in the man's (Mark Duplass) time travel fantasy. The trailer kind of sets it up to be a feel good indie comedy but from what I've read it was going to be very hard to market the right way. Look for this movie to be dark, and quirky. I have a great respect for Mark Duplass who's become one of my favorite people working in this industry between acting and directing. He knows how to tell a very unique story, and he does so through directing as well as acting. Oh and he's just hilarious in The League.

Dark Shadows, Tim Burton, May 11th.

It wouldn't be a live action Tim Burton movie without Johnny Depp, who plays Barnabus Collins, a man turned into a Vampire and cursed by a witch to sleep for a few centuries. He wakes up and finds himself in the 1970's and integrates himself back into his family who still lives in the mansion, and fights a financial war against the witch who cursed him, played by the ever so lovely Eva Green. Michelle Pfieffer, Chloe Grace Moretz, Jackie Earle Haley, and of course Helena Bonham Carter also star in this stylized period piece. It's the first Tim Burton film I've been excited for in quite some time after being let down in many recent years. It has a very fun feel to it and looks like it will finally put him back in my good graces (not that, that matters much to him anyway).

Frankenweenie, Tim Burton, October 5th.

The second Tim Burton flick of the year is stop animation a remake of Tim Burton's own short film from 1984 with the same name. The story is about a child who isn't ready to let go of his dead pet dog, so he brings it back to life Frankenstein style. Every time Burton has stepped into the stop animation world he has turned up something unique and fun, so this should be a nice family treat.

Killing Them Softly, Andrew Dominik, September 21st.

Brad Pitt reunites with Andrew Dominik (The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford) to make their second film together. Many people believe Pitt's performance in The Assassination of Jesse James is the best of his career, and was very under appreciated during the awards season back in 2007. So it may be obvious why Pitt would want to work with Dominik again so he can finally get that Oscar that's alluded him for so long.

In Killing Them Softly, Pitt plays an enforcer investigating a heist that went down during a mob poker game. With other mob notables like James Gandonfini and Ray Liotta attached it should be a pretty good flick and has the possibility to stick out in our minds come January of 2013.

This is 40, Judd Apatow, December 21st.

This is 40 is a sequel to Knocked Up but it follows Paul Rudd's family instead of Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl who aren't even rumored to be in it. This makes me happy because I hate Katherine Heigl and absolutely loved Paul Rudd's character. Who knows how it will fare being released around Christmas time, but Apatow directed movies have always managed to make me laugh in one way or another. Even though Funny People was murdered by length and pointlessness it had great comic moments. Jason Segel is also slated to be in it so look for his funny banter as he hopefully continues to barrage Leslie Mann's character with flirtatious comments to try and get in her pants.

Neighborhood Watch, Akiva Schaffer, July 27th.

Seth Rogen teams up with Goldberg (Superbad, Pineapple Express) on a comedy about a motley crew of men who work as a neighborhood watch. Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill, Vince Vaughn and newcomer Richard Ayoade star as the Neigborhood Watch who develop the group as a way to get away from their families and end up discovering a plot to destroy our planet. Rogen and Goldberg like blending action with comedy so look for some minivan chase scenes and a slew of one-liners. Hopefully it will work better than Green Hornet, because that movie sucked.

Welcome to the Punch, Eran Creevy, TBD 2012.

A British crime and action film is what was missing from this year's line up before I read about this. James McAvoy, and Mark Strong star in a movie about a notorious criminal returns to London and a detective gets the chance he's been waiting for to take down the bad guy. McAvoy and Strong are all over the place these days and British crime movies tend to strike a different chord with me so I'm definitely in.
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Movies that I will see but don't care much about.

This category marks those big time pop corn flicks that look okay but focus more on CGI then actual filmmaking.

The Avengers, Joss Whedon, May 4th.

I'm a huge Tony Stark fan, and I loved the Iron Man movies. The thing is, I don't give a shit about any of the other parts of the Avengers. I fucking hate the Hulk. The only purpose he serves is to piss me off. I slept through a majority of Captain America: The First Avenger and felt like I didn't miss a minute of it, which is never a good sign. I've heard good things about Thor but haven't gotten around to seeing that. What it comes down to is who is going to match RDJ's charisma? The entire time I'll just want the movie to be about him solely. Every moment somebody else is on the screen I'll be sad because all I want to see is RDJ. Not to mention you sign on a director who's never made a feature length film and is most notable for an episode of Glee. Who is the bad guy too? They probably could've gotten someone that people actually know considering the budget of this movie was gargantuan.

This is just another movie filled with jumbled special effects that are meant to numb our brains and please our eyes. I'll probably end up seeing it opening weekend, but I will most likely be disappointed, or be only moderately satisfied. It will probably be one of those movies you see, then forget about soon after.

The Amazing Spider-Man, Marc Webb, July 3rd.

Yep, they've rebooted Spider-Man, just 10 years ago after the Tobey Maguire series started up and 5 years after it ended. I guess if I had the ability to continually suck 10-15 bucks out of million's of people's pockets every few years I would too. So when I think about it that way, I'm only less disgusted. This stands to be another one of those "darker portrayals" trying to go along the lines of Batman Begins. The problem is, that it's Spider-Man is not known for being dark, and was always a bit cheesy. I mean, it's about a man who get's bitten by a spider then he doesn't have to wear glasses, he can climb walls, and he can shoot sticky white shit out of his forearms.

New guy Andrew Garfield plays the man with spider-like qualities, while Emma Stone, Denis Leary, Martin Sheen, Sally Field and Rhys Ifans round out the cast. I'm a big fan of Rhys Ifans so I'm happy with him playing a lizard (what's intimidating about a human sized lizard?).

I like the choices in casting and Marc Webb is a bold choice for director, but I just find this whole film unnecessary. Apparently this one mirrors the comic books a lot more than the Tobey ones did, so at least the story will be marginally different. Maybe Andrew Garfield and co. can hold it down and I'll be surprised, but it's another one of those movies I'll probably just say "eh" after.

Battleship, Peter Berg, May 18th.

The latest board game turned popcorn flick, Battleship looks like it's trying a little bit too hard to be a Transformers movie. Another one of those insert special effects here movies, stars a bunch of people who shouldn't be in movies like Rihanna, Brooklyn Decker, and Taylor Kitsch who managed to sneak his way into the leads of two 200 million dollar productions this year (the other being John Carter) while being pretty much entirely unknown. Good thinking, people with money that fund these things. Liam Neeson also joins this cast as a ship Admiral, so that's about the only good thing this movie has going for it. The reason I will still probably end up seeing it, is because for some reason people will tell me it's great, then I'll go see it and remember that I should stop listening to anything people tell me. I'd also say there is about a 5 % chance that it could be like the first Transformers which actually didn't make me super fucking angry. We'll have to wait and find out.

Movies to look forward to in 2012: Movies I will see the second I can

First off I'd like to apologize for my inability to follow through on my last few posts for the analysis of film in 2011. My Oscar Scramble failed miserably and I still have yet to see a lot of movies that I want to before I make my final decisions on my top 10.

As you know if you read this drivel that I provide, that I've been very vocal in my disdain for a majority of what last year had to offer movie-wise. This year has had quite the contrary effect on me, however. All I can talk about is "this" or "that" movie that I'm excited about. Between blockbusters, comedies and indie flicks, 2012 is guaranteed to deliver on all levels. I haven't seen a line up nearly this stellar in my whole life really.

After I saw the trailer to Total Recall (the remake to one of the most sacred Scwarzenegger films) this afternoon, I felt obligated to drop a little bit of movie wisdom on you. I've researched and evaluated all areas of film extensively and put a lot of effort into this so try to focus so you can spend your money wisely this year at your local cineplex.

This post narrows down most of what I've read and researched about this upcoming year in movies into five condensed categories. Those categories are as follows.

1.) Movies I will see the second I can
2.) Movies I will still probably end up seeing the opening weekend.
3.) Movies I will probably see, but don't really care about.
4.) Movies I'd like to see if I get the opportunity.
5.) Movies I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

Now since April, and we've already had 3 full months of releases then I will add an unofficial list of all movies that have already come out.

The year started out with a bang having some very enjoyable January and February releases. This is something that is generally unheard of. Usually the beginning of the year is when the companies release all their duds so that all the people who give a shit about the film industry can catch up on all the Award season shit from the year before.

I had really high hopes for The Grey when I saw the first trailers for the film and became anxious when I learned it was a January release. It turned out to be a lot more than I had originally anticipated. An exceptionally engaging film with incredible performances from Liam Neeson and the supporting roles. At first glance it appears to be a big time action flick, but it's so much more than that. Deep and tangled with the complexities of human emotions and spirituality. I highly recommend seeing this film once it's out on DVD or on the television.

Soderbergh's Haywire, starring badass femme fatale newcomer Gina Carano (and half of Hollywood) didn't fail to deliver in the action department either. Packing punches as severe as Jason Bourne, Gina Carano may not be the best actress, but she can kick it with the best action-wise.Chronicle was another big surprise to hit the big screen this early 2012. A movie I originally thought to look overdone and cheesy really captured my imagination with the performances from the cast of young unknowns. Another flick to check out when you get the opportunity.David Wain's Wanderlust wasn't nearly as successful at hitting my funny bone as Role Models or Wet Hot American Summer but it has some of the best Paul Rudd moments that can be found. I laughed so hard during the 1/3 of the movie that I can't even remember the other 2/3's of the movie. Jennifer Aniston went back to her reign as the unfunny actress who attempts comedy. I wish she would be more ballsy and do more roles like hers Horrible Bosses. Instead she treads the line of being naked/almost naked and she manages to continue to be barely likable in nearly every movie she's in. Apparently if you saw the test screenings then you got to see her ta-tas. If you see the normal movie, then you are not so lucky. Still, this movie is worth it for those few comically brilliant scenes.21 Jump Street and The Hunger Games are the only other two movies I've been able to catch thus far this year. 21 Jump Street was a well-aware comedy with great performances, and plenty of laughs. I developed a new appreciation for Channing Tatum who actually has the ability to be funny, and respect Jonah Hill more and more with ever movie he does. Brie Larson is super cute too so that doesn't hurt my enjoyment of the movie. Yes, I just said "super cute". Yes, I'm really lame.

The tiny crush I have on Brie is nowhere near as severe as the one I have for Hunger Games' Jennifer Lawrence. Ever since I saw her in Winter's Bone a few years back I have been mesmerized. Unfortunately that was really all this massive blockbuster had going for it, the cast. The thing about The Hunger Games is that it's basically Twilight, but guys are allowed to like it because there is blood and stuff. Katniss may be a stronger character than Bella, but she's still going through teenage girl things, like being loved by two dudes at the same time (not Sacha Grey style). Guys get distracted by the fact that there's death and other stupid shit like flames coming out of clothing. Seriously who saw that/read that and thought "wow, that's badass". People disgust me.

I don't think the story itself is bad, or the casting. In fact I think the movie was cast superbly. I just fucking hate the way it was directed. I'm sorry but if you plan to use camera men with cerebral palsy, make sure Matt Damon is in the movie, because I will lose interest otherwise. What it comes down to is that this movie definitely didn't deserve 150+ million in it's opening weekend and when Prometheus doesn't make as much I'll be even more disappointed with our society.

Other various movies that are in theaters that I would really like to see include Jeff Who Lives At Home, The Raid: Redemption, Safe House and The Lorax. Jeff Who Lives At Home stars Jason Segel, who has become one of my favorite comedic actors since I blasted through the first six seasons of How I Met Your Mother in less than a month, and Ed Helms whom I also love. It's directed by the Duplass brothers, who made Cyrus and seems like a really good-natured indie comedy. The Raid is a kick-ass oriental martial arts action flick about a swat team that has to fight their way out of a 30 story building fending off bloodthirsty mobsters. A movie that has already garnered such a rave response that there is an American re-make in the works. Safe House looks like every Denzel Washington action movie that ever comes out, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Jeff Van Gundy raved about it saying "he shoots at everything" in reference to Denzel and I tend to enjoy stupid movies like that from time to time. The Lorax is a movie I was really excited about at first, but after reading reviews I just haven't brought myself to want to pay the 12-15 bucks it costs to pay for a movie out here. That's even with how much I love Danny Devito.

That pretty much brings us up to current times. So onto-

Movies I will see the second I canThis list ranges from top to bottom as most excited for, to least excited for. Keep in mind even if it is on the bottom of the list that I am excited for it because I will be seeing it the second it comes out.

Prometheus, Ridley Scott, June 8th
I never thought it could be possible to be more excited for a movie than I was for Inception or that I would be more excited for something other than the Dark Knight Rises. Since the newest trailer for this has been released I've watched it probably 200 times. At two minutes and thirty seconds, that means I've wasted 500 minutes... which equates to over 8 and a quarter hours.

God, I need some work....

But, that's how good this movie looks. It's been a very long time since Ridley Scott has returned to his science fiction roots, and what better way to do it then with an unofficial prequel to Alien?
Teeming Ridley with an extremely talented cast with big names like Charlize Theron, Noomi Rapace, Idris Elba, and the man who is everywhere all of a sudden Michael Fassbender, Prometheus is surely to be one of the biggest films of the year.

The mpaa has yet to slap the movie with a rating and that may be because Fox is jump roping back and forth between R and PG 13. Ridley Scott has said that he was to edit a PG 13 version and an R version to submit to Fox before they make their final judgement. In all honesty I feel that a movie with a following like Prometheus stands to make as good, if not a better profit at the box office with an R rating. This movie is not The Hunger Games, it's a sci-fi/horror epic that won't really be a horror movie if it's PG 13. I want to see aliens popping out of stomachs and shit but we'll see how the vaginas at Fox decide to play it out.

Either way, a day after they released the trailer and I had watched it 50 some odd times, I looked at the comments and had myself quite a laugh.

"Ridley Scott just fucked Avatar in the ass" was the top rated comment and just thinking about those words makes me happy.

The Dark Knight Rises, Christopher Nolan, July 20th

Need I say more?

I will anyway. The return of Nolan, Bale & co. for the final installment of their saga of Batman. Add new players Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway, Marion Cotilliard, JGL and you literally have me salivating over it.

There are a few things that worry me marginally in anticipation for this movie. How can they effectively raise the stakes higher than in they did in The Dark Knight, how do they move on without Heath Ledger, and are we going to actually be able to understand a word that Bane says in the movie?

I went to see Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol in Imax largely because I wanted to see the prologue from The Dark Knight Rises. In this prologue there is a scene involving planes and a bunch of dialogue so muffled, that I had no fucking idea what Bane was saying. Hopefully in all the screenings people complained enough so that Nolan will change this problem, because it will not be fun to try and guess what Tom Hardy is saying while shit is blowing up around him. Hopefully he realizes that he understands what he's saying really well because he wrote the words, and that we as an audience didn't write the words, and have no fucking idea what he's saying.

Those are my main concerns and I feel that they will be addressed and it will be as great as expected. Nolan has yet to let me down, and even if I can't understand Bane, the movie will look beautiful anyway.

Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino, December 25th

If the world doesn't end on December 21st, then Quentin Tarantino will be bringing his fans a mighty sweet treat for xmas. When first hearing about Inglorious Basterds I was extremely excited because it was a movie about getting back at Nazi's for the horrible crimes they committed on humanity. Who couldn't really take some pleasure in re-imagining the past thinking that the Nazi's got a little bit of their own medicine? Still when thinking about it, it sounds like a movie filled with senseless violence, and little thought.

Instead he gave us an extremely intellectual film filled with extremely interesting characters and intense stories. Tarantino is one of the only writers who knows how to dress lengthy 5-10 minute scenes, cooking them to a boiling intensity using only dialogue and performance. At times this film is so intense that I could barely find my breath.

Tarantino is not afraid to change history or tackle controversial topics in his movies. He takes them head on, and always creates something unique and special. That is why Django Unchained should have everyone who loves movies excited. About a slave turned bounty hunter who teams up with a German bounty Hunter to free his wife from a menacing evil plantation owner. Again taking on a brutal topic, Tarantino will hold nothing back in this extremely well cast movie. Jamie Fox plays Django, Christoph Waltz is the German bounty hunter, and Leonardo DiCaprio loosens his skirt a little to play the terrible plantation owner. Christoph Waltz shined in Inglorious, and it's great to see Leo take a chance as the bad guy for once.

Don Johnson, Sam Jackson, JGL, Sacha Baron Cohen and Kurt Russel are also listed as supporting members. With a cast as poignant as this, and a mind as creative as Tarantino's, this is one movie that will take me away from my family on Christmas Day. Sorry family, you can join if you want to find me, I will probably be at Lisbon Landing, because that's the only not shitty theater in southeastern CT.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Peter Jackson, December 14th.

I don't need to take much time to explain why this looks fantastic. For a long while it looked like this project wasn't going to get made because of MGM's financial woes. After being delayed too long they lost Guillermo del Toro as the director and hope was fading on this project being made any time soon. After MGM found it's feet Peter Jackson decided to return to the realm of Tolkien and it actually worked out for the better.

While 3D isn't something that I appreciate all that much, if done right it can effectively make your jaw drop. Peter Jackson's eye for direction is the perfect fit once again and I have no doubt that my jaw will be ajar for quite a bit of this film.

The Hobbit is also a shorter story than any of the Lord of the Rings films, and they chose to adapt it into two films. Even though this allows for a much larger profit margin, it also allows them to follow the story more directly and not leave anything out. Tolkien fans will be pleased and it should be one of the best of the year.

Skyfall, Sam Mendes, November 9th.

Speaking of projects that could've easily been killed by MGM, the newest Bond, Skyfall. After attaching the extremely talented director Sam Mendes (American Beauty, Road to Perdition) they dragged their feet as they toiled with bankruptcy. This was at the exact same time as they were in pre-production of The Hobbit but luckily Sam Mendes stayed on to direct. Arguably he's best director of recent memory to get their hands on a Bond script but it's not even him that I'm most excited about. It's Javier Bardem.

I think Daniel Craig has given the most honest portrayal of Bond since Sean Connery and he has the potential to possibly uproot Sean Connery as the best Bond ever if he makes a few more classics like Casino Royale. What better way to try and make that happen then by casting Javier Bardem as your bad guy. His performance in No Country For Old Men as Anton Chigurh is one of the most chilling performances of all time. Between his piercing eyes and baby rapist haircut, he forever ingrained himself as one of the best bad guys of all time. Sure he probably wont be toting around a silenced shotgun, or shooting a metal probe into his enemies brains, but I'm sure he'll prove to be the best Bond villain since Sean Bean.

Moonrise Kingdom, Wes Anderson, May 25th.

Wes Anderson movies have always held a special place in my heart. Between the style, dry wit, and the ability to accentuate the weird, his movie strike a chord with my inner child and I always have a crooked smirk when I watch his movies. "A pair of lovers flee their New England town, which causes a local search party to fan out and find them" is the logline for the film as provided on imdb. If you watch the trailer, those lovers are like 9 years old so this will definitely prove to be another wacky and quirky love story.

The supporting cast includes Ed Norton, Frances McDormand, Bruce Willis, Tilda Swinton, Harvey Keitel, and Wes Anderson regulars, Bill Murray and Jason Schwartzman. It's Anderson's first live action film since 2007's The Darjeeling Limited so Anderson fans have waited a very long time for this one and I think it stands to be one of the more enjoyable indie movies of the year.




Get The Gringo, Adrian Grunberg, May 1st.
  
If there's one thing I love in life it's Mel Gibson. His personal life may be a whirlwind of insanity but the movies he's in tend to make me smile. In this one he crosses the border into Mexico after a heist and gets picked up by the Federali's. He excapes from jail and becomes good friends with a child who helps him run cons. I'm not really sure what the hell else goes on but there are explosions, guns, and Mel Gibson's face. This looks like the first really badass role he's had since Payback which is a classic if you ask me.

When Edge of Darkness came out in 2010, it was supposed to be his comeback. After spotty reviews and a poor showing at the box office it didn't do what they had hoped it would. Then, in the summer of that year very elegant phone conversations that displayed the love between he and his longtime girlfriend surfaced on the internet and tarnished his reputation indubitably. People make mistakes, and even though he called Oksana "a little girl with a fucking dysfunctional cunt," I still support him fully.
 
The Bourne Legacy, Tony Gilroy, August 3rd.

I'll set this straight from the get go, Jeremy Renner is not Jason Bourne in this movie. He is not reprising the role, and the movie is not a reboot of the franchise. This is merely a story that branches off of where Jason Bourne left off in taking down the Government agency Blackbriar, and Treadstone, that he was a part of. "There was never just one" is the tagline that is on the poster so it's clear that it's not a reboot. Jeremy Renner plays a fellow agent who is equally as kickass but has no direct affiliation with Bourne.

It could be argued that the Bourne movies are the best action trilogy of all time and why mess with something like that by putting in a new central protagonist to take on the government? Well if you ask me, they are doing things the right way. Tony Gilroy the writer and director, he also wrote the first three Bourne movies so if anyone is going to adapt the franchise and move the story in another direction in may as well be him. The extremely talented Jeremy Renner is now finally being used for his potential and is a great person to freshen up the trilogy and take it somewhere different. Matt Damon has said that he hopes to work with Renner in the future on a Bourne movie but we'll see how his relationship with Gilroy settles after Damon criticized him for the script of Bourne Ultimatum which he said was "unreadable." Hopefully they'll set aside their differences and we'll see some more car chases and bone crunching action from them in the future, but until then, at least we have Legacy.

Cosmopolis, David Cronenberg, tbd 2012.

The 30 second teaser trailer to Cronenberg's film Cosmopolis fills us with the promise of sex, guns, murder and dinosaurs. It would appear that Cronenberg is back to his roots in this film that is guaranteed to be off the wall insane. The only Cronenberg movie I haven't absolutely hated in the last 20 years was Eastern Promises which had the best naked knife fight I had ever seen in a movie... The man is no stranger to strangeness and it would appear that he is going back to his horror movie roots.

Sure Robert Pattinson is in it and that generally rules out the possibility that I will like it, but did you see what I wrote up above? Sex, guns, murder, and dinosaurs. That's more than enough to get me excited for a movie. "Riding across Manhattan in a stretch limo in order to get a haircut, a 28-year-old billionaire asset manager's day devolves into a odyssey with a cast of characters that start to tear his world apart" is the log line as provided by imdb. Where the dinosaurs fit in, I don't know, but I'm hooked after seeing that trailer and reading that logline. I warn you that this man's movies are not for the faint of heart but if you're into sex, guns, murder and Jurassic Park then you should have a good time.

The Expendables 2, Sly Stallone, August 17th.

Welp, the core cast of action legends is back again, adding Chuck Norris and Jean Claud God Damn in the sequel to re-live some 80's action glory. If I need to explain to you why this interests me, then you aren't a person I should associate with.

Scwarzenegger and Willis look to have larger roles than they did in the first, and while it may be a big meat headed action movie filled with has-been action stars, it's about paying tribute to a great era of action cinema that was about muscles and bad one liners, not 3D bullshit and transforming cars, or Michael Bay.

Taken 2, Olivier Megaton, October 5th.

I at first thought the director's last name was "Megatron." I was sad when I realized it was "Megaton" even though that is still really cool. Other than that I don't have much to explain in terms of why I'm excited. It's starring Liam Neeson and sometimes I'm a 10 year old child.

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There are a lot of other movies that I may end up seeing at a midnight screening because I live two blocks from a movie theater and it's become a pretty normal thing for me to do, but those are the ones that I will most definitely see as soon as I have the opportunity and for a lot of them, I will buy tickets weeks in advance and bring spare pairs of pants in case I get overly excited about how good the movies are.