Poster Child: Keyword "Child"

Lately I've noticed that I'm the perfect example of how to live life in College. Skipping class because your work is only half done and you're only half sick makes perfect sense if you know how to do math. Two halves equal one whole: So me not going to class because my throat hurts with a sparse cough and I only completed half my assignments is perfectly logical if you look at it in a mathematical standpoint.

I'm tired on a Wednesday afternoon but I have a lot of work to do. I could either take a nap and then try and do some work, or I could just rough it out and get my work done. Which one do you think I chose? Clearly I invented option three in which I watched a movie to try and fall asleep, which didn't work because I made it all the way to the last few scenes, then I fell asleep for two hours until it was really late and I grew hungry. Then when I could've just eaten at the apartment and gotten my work done. Instead, I went to the bar to get food and watch the Celtics game.

That's what good students do. They invent other scenarios to make sure that they get what they really want. What I really wanted was a surf and turf burger with a red stag Manhattan. Yeah sounds cheap, right? And it sure as hell wasn't so another thing I did was help stimulate the economy.

I also listened in on a sweet and attractive Bartender talk about her sex life with her long term boyfriend. And how the role playing just wasn't doing it for her. And that she doesn't have the sex life of a twenty-two year old anymore and she wishes she did. Being a twenty-two year old I definitely felt good knowing that apparently I have a "good" sex life. I learned that I do from an attractive girl who said she had one at my age so it has to be true. I also took from this that role playing can only go so far in reestablishing sexual connection and that my sex life will be even more non-existant at the age of 24 than it already is.

Say it's a monday and I have a long arduous day at school that seems never ending. I offset it by forgetting my night entirely and waking up in my bed regretting lots of life decisions and choices.

These are the things students need to do to get by. Work must fit in at some point but never let your dream of getting a college education get in the way of playing games like roofi roulette. The things that are acceptable in college wont fly for the rest of your life so just go out and do them.

I'm not saying try heroin, or any other crazy drug that you can easily become addicted to/die from. I'm also not saying go date rape someone, or get date raped because it wont be as easy any other time of your life. I don't support fraternities or Lacrosse teams. Basically just be smartly stupid. Make educated decisions to get fucked up on the reg while still pulling above a 3.0. If you work the nine to five, five days a week when you graduate, I guarantee you there won't be many tequila tuesdays, wine wednesdays, thursty thursdays or no-pants mondays. A solid rule of thumb to live by is, "no pills or powders". But my motto is more like,

"Is that alcohol? No, it was alcohol".

Thank god I want to be a writer or else my dreams of AA meetings and rock bottom would be less achievable.