A Blog For You, By Me

I'm back.

I haven't posted since mid July because my life has been a whirlwind of lunacy, partying, and new beginnings. Being my last summer at home I wanted to go out with a bang and I did just that. Problem was this hindered my ability to keep on writing and establishing myself as your favorite blog writer as I should be.

I thought that now would be a good time to start incorporating the people in my posts with requests so I put out a status late last night asking people what they thought I should touch upon.

If I don't touch on your ideas don't take it personal, I probably just got sick of writing before I got there.

First off Madonna at the Super Bowl. You can go to thesportshit.com for my thoughts on that because I will write an in-depth analysis on that decision.

Blackholes and Flubber:

These two words put together in that way scare the hell out of me. All I could think of was Robin Williams putting flubber on his shoes to dunk and getting launched clear into space and going through a black hole. There is no scientific evidence to prove this could happen, but there also isn't any evidence to support that it couldn't either.

Jews and Poor People:

There are a lot of Jews and a lot of poor people in this world. Although most of the poor people aren't Jewish. In fact I'd be willing to wager that less than 1 % of poor people are Jewish. It's scientifically proven that Jewish people are better at handling money.

Adam McQuaid's Mullet:

Adam McQuaid may be Canadian, but his mullet represents freedom and embodies American Patriotism. He grows it for himself and everyone likes it so much that charities get thousands of dollars when he cuts it off. It's good for everyone.

The Purpose of the Top Seat on a Toilet:

This is where I'll probably spend most of my time because at one point or another we've all probably questioned the logic of having one of these top seats because bathrooms are a part of our every day lives, unless we're hippies, homeless people, or we live in India. The entire country of India is a toilet, and that's not even an insult, that's just the reality.

Nothing about a toilet is pretty. All of the grotesque acts that take place in a toilet like vomiting and shitting make it the most disgusting place in the home. Even if it is spotless and cleaned a thousand times over it still carries the thought that someone has destroyed it in the past. Like the episode of Seinfeld where he drops his girlfriends toothbrush in the toilet and she brushes her teeth. In his mind she has been forever tainted by the toilet, in the way toilets are tainted. Effectively he sees her mouth as a toilet and nothing can ever change that, much in the way we can never change the way we view toilets.

A top seat protects our eyes from looking into the toilet bowl which we view as the most disgusting part of a toilet. Looking at that stagnant and lifeless water, which may have been in the toilet for days just sitting there building a film. It's not something we need to see, so if we have the top seat it kind of lets us forget the all the terrifying things that happen in the bottom of the bowl.

The top seat also provides a place to sit down if in the bathroom and in need of a place to sit down. Say you work on your feet all day and just want to sit down when you brush your teeth. Well there it is, your top seat so you can sit and be comfortable that a naked ass probably hasn't sat on it.

Also if you're going to blow coke off the back of a toilet then you have a place to rest your knee comfortably.

My Cats:

I don't have cats, but I humor the idea of cats. Cats exist and people like them. I'm not one of those people who likes them though.

Steven Hawking:

The man is definitely smarter than me, but I can kick his ass at any physical sport. Every time I would score on him I would definitely taunt him by saying "Not so smart now, are ya?"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well that's all you guys had for me basically. Another day I will try and touch on the cultural juxtaposition of the post-soviet regimes within the different political factions- but until then if you have any more ideas or are anxious to hear my opinions on certain things, fire em' to me and I'll give you something good.

Kobe Bryant raped that girl.