Dear University of Hartford Public Safety,

Or should I say public shitheads. Thank you for the 50 dollar parking ticket for parking in D-lot on one of the days I choose to be productive. I really appreciate having to pay 50 dollars because your signs in the parking lot contradict each other. The signs entering the parking lot say Commuter Parking from 730 am to 12am... One would think this means I can park anywhere in the lot unless otherwise notified by a sign next to the parking spot... but no. Apparently commuters are only meant to park in the red spots but it only says that on the red spot area. Shouldn't it say that on the entrance of the parking lot? I mean what the fuck.

I know you want to get your money grubbing hands on every filthy penny that I and my family ever makes because your a worthless money making organization first before an actual University. I've parked there multiple times a week since the beginning of last semester because I had no idea that I wasn't able to park there. Maybe you should be a little more clear as to where I can park.

Commuter Parking

From 730 am to 12am Monday-Friday

Except in any spot that is convenient or available. You may only occupy the two small rows of red lined spaces that are never free. While you're at it give us extra money, get angry and punch yourself in the balls because in reality our job is really just to make your life as inconvenient as possible and charge you for it. Hopefully you can read this tiny font, and if you can't you could pay us to read it for you and if you're a girl we'll be really creepy and remember your name so we can stalk you around campus.

I think that would be a more accurate sign. It would capture the real essence of what you useless twats do on campus. Guaranteed if I actually needed your assistance you would be creepily hitting on a cheerleader and following her to her room because that's what you're best at, being useless shits. Oh and pissing anyone off who wants to get on campus past 10 pm Thursday-Saturday.

So when I graduate this spring (God willing), I raise will my two middle fingers to you for the service you displayed in the four years I came here. Failing to make anyone on the campus feel safer at any time, and just pissing everyone off when you bust the good kids for having tiny parties while you allow the roofie slipping sports teams and fraternities to get away with mostly anything. Maybe if the sports teams or fraternities meant anything at this School I would understand but really? Who gives a tits about the guys basketball team? Not me, not anybody.

Signed,

My One Testicle.